Unapologetic Narcissism

I feel the best I've felt about my life for awhile now. I don't know why exactly, but this less that super job makes me feel...I don't know, useful? Is that the word I'm looking for? Maybe. Anyhow there is this line in a song from Bright Eyes that inspired me. The song is "First Day of My life" and will one day be played at my wedding. The line is "I'd rather be working for a paycheck than waiting to win the lottery." In the song he is speaking about his relationship and how he'd rather put effort into a girl he loves than waiting around for "true love" to find him. Personally in life I tend to wait for life to find me. This is something I've noticed and have tried to work on for years. Lately though I have slipped back into my old pattern of letting fate control me. I am trying to make changes in my life that will leave me more in control of myself and my surroundings and more readily able to deal with the next drama that is bound to come my way.

It is silly but it is like I can see the parts of my life coming together, ready to unlock the door that is separating me from the next stage in my life. I crawled onto the roof tonight and laid back taking pictures of a silver moon rising over the blackened forest. A warm breeze gently wafted over my arms as I steadied my hands and took aim. The clouds were illuminated from behind, letting light shine around their edges. This is what makes life worth living for me. Some people are comforted by the sunrise and its warm promise that life is just beginning. I prefer the night when you can see things with a clarity the sun seems to overpower. The sun promises a bright future, but the moon let's me see the world that the optimism of day hides from me. The moon reveals parts of the world that are darker, but infinitely more breathtaking.